5 Reasons Never to Date the Guy Who Wrote this Post…

Opinion

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http://www.returnofkings.com/21313/5-reasons-to-date-a-girl-with-an-eating-disorder

The post above was brought to my attention on Facebook a few weeks ago, yes you did read that correctly, this is a blog stating the reasons why men should date a girl with an eating disorder.

I know, and I sincerely hope I’m right in thinking that most people would look at this post and realise that the author of this is a just a complete moron. Still, I felt that I couldn’t let this post go without drawing attention to how ridiculous and ignorant it is. It is worrying to say the least, that there might be men who actually think like this and see a woman with an eating disorder as something to take advantage of. Of course as always, what this ignorance boils down to is a lack of knowledge and understanding, but whoever wrote this may wish to think again before publicly mocking such a serious illness.

1.Her obsession over her body will improve her overall looks

Unless pale skin, dark eyes, hair loss, blistered knuckles, acid-stained teeth and downy hair growing on the skin are among your must-haves when it comes to women, an eating disorder will absolutely not improve her looks, whether it be Anorexia or Binge Eating Disorder. In fact, the opposite could not be more true. Eating Disorders are more often that not, not actually about the way the sufferer looks, it stems from something phycological and the eating disorder is a way of coping.

2. She costs less money

For many sufferers, the idea of even stepping foot in a restaurant is almost unthinkable, never mind a dinner-date. While you may be lapping up her leftovers, she will most likely be in turmoil, wishing she was anywhere but in a restaurant with you.

3. She’s fragile and vulnerable

If as a man, you need a girl to be fragile and vulnerable before you can date her, I think that says more about you than it does her. Only men who are fragile and weak themselves tend to go for women who are too insecure to stand up to them. They are easy targets.

4. Probably has money of her own

Aside from all of these statements being massive generalisations, this one is perhaps the most ridiculous as it is simply incorrect. I don’t know where the author got the idea from that only rich girls develop eating disorders but even if this was the case, that money will most likely be spent on slimming pills, laxatives, junk-food binges, you get the idea.

5. She’s better in bed

Maybe sleeping with a girl who lacks the confidence to tell you what she really wants, makes some men feel macho in the bedroom. As a woman, I cannot expect to fully understand what men want in bed, but using someone’s “pent-up insecurities, neuroses and daddy-issues” for your own sexual gain? Pretty disgusting if you ask me.

“a girl with a mild-to-moderate eating disorder—that hasn’t excessively marred her appearance—is today’s best-buy in the West’s rapidly plummeting dating market”

So as long as the eating disorder doesn’t progress into anything to serious, and it doesn’t damage a woman’s appearance in any way, you have yourself the perfect woman?

Is this a joke?

This post is a fantastic representation of everything that is wrong with society. As well as the shocking stereotypes, it shows the ignorance and inaccuracy that surrounds issues concerning eating disorders and mental health. Not only this but it is also a sterling example of blatant sexism, bringing to our attention that there is men out there who view women like this, and we are far from equal in their eyes.

The perfect woman? Quite frankly I wish any man who thinks like this the best of luck in gaining the respect of any woman at all.

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New Statistics, Still No Closer to the Truth

Food, News

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As concerning as it is, it always restores a little faith in me to see eating disorders being talked about and addressed nationally in the press, as I fear coverage of these issues is getting dangerously thin on the ground. This is until I read further and discover just a bunch of more empty figures and lack of solution. Perhaps this is why, after reading such news reports, I find myself charged with conflicting emotions and opinions, but all eventually pointing to the same thing, despair.

The fact that the number of eating disorder hospital admissions has increased by 8 per cent, for me, can be seen in a number of different ways. The thing that automatically springs to mind is that this is a negative, although unsurprising outcome, but on reading into it I came to the conclusion that this is actually, a pointless statistic.

For one thing, those 2,560 admissions do not take into account those who are treated as out-patients, as the majority are, and even more importantly, the many people who suffer from eating disorders and do not seek help or receive treatment at all. For me, the truth and the real seriousness of the problem lies with the unknown numbers and this is where our attention should be focused.

Though the rise in admissions could be seen as a positive thing, the fact that more people are seeking help could mean that awareness of the seriousness of eating disorders and the treatment available has increased, this is only, in my opinion, a weak possibility. As much as I would hope this to be the case, the truth is much more likely to be sinister, simply more people are suffering.

However, aside from lacking veracity, this collection of data did uncover some very important points. It won’t shock anyone to hear that nine times as many females as males were admitted from 2012 -2013, the most common age of admission for girls was 15, age 13 for boys, but there were children aged five to nine, and even, distressingly, under fives admitted. (I found it particularly interesting – and a bit strange – that The BBC failed to put this last part in their report.) The age of admissions is a shocking statistic which anyone would hope will spur on some serious action to be taken, children under five suffering from these illnesses is something which I and most of society cannot and should not be able to comprehend.

Although the 2,560 people admitted may be the most severely ill, they are receiving the help they need, and this does not provide an accurate reflection of the problem. What about the rest of the story? What about those who are suffering in silence and living in denial? The truth is, eating disorders take many forms, in many people, of many different ages and the scale of this suffering can never be truly expressed in the form of a government statistic. It is real, it is boundless and it needs to be addressed.

Kesha – Showing the World She is a Warrior

Features, News

 

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On Friday, singer Kesha became the latest celebrity to speak out about her eating disorder, when she checked into the Timberline Knolls Centre and gave this statement to the press:

“I’m a crusader for being yourself and loving yourself but I’ve found it hard to practice, I’ll be unavailable for the next 30 days, seeking treatment for my eating disorder … [and] to learn to love myself again. Exactly as I am.”

Being in the public eye, a celebrity always receives much more of a reaction from society when going public with an issue like this, which is why I have to admire Kesha’s bravery and that of the other celebrities who have spoken openly about their problems over the years.

However, going public is a gamble and there are both positive and negative repercussions when a celebrity admits to having an eating disorder. In some cases it can be a valuable and important message to others who may be suffering, particularly young girls who might idolise and look up to these celebrities, and I would like to think that it may encourage others to get help themselves.

However, unfortunately, the media has a tendency to focus on the negative aspects. I have already read a number of online articles scrutinising Kesha’s weight over the years and discussing her previous diet and exercise regimes. The other worry is the glamorisation of eating disorders, which often happens when they appear in the public eye associated with celebrities and supermodels. As much as society has started to move away from the idea that anorexia and bulimia are glamorous lifestyle choices, rather than serious diseases, there is still no doubt that young people and teenagers are susceptible to being influenced by the lifestyles of celebrities.

Although Kesha has done an extremely courageous and brave thing by getting the help she needs and doing it publicly, what her fans and the rest of the general public will never see or hear is the hardship she will face on her journey to recovery and for long afterwards. When celebrities do speak about their eating disorders the common occurrence is for them to emerge from rehab after a short time and as far as anyone is concerned, they are perfectly healthy again, all relationships with food restored. In reality of course this is not the case and Kesha among many others will still be battling her eating disorder behind closed doors for a long time to come.

These factors make me question just how positive celebrities speaking out actually can be, does it paint an unrealistic picture of an eating disorder? In 30 days time when Kesha makes her post-treatment statement to the press, some will know what is going on beneath the bravado, the challenges she has still to face and what recovery from an eating disorder is really like. I hope that her courage continues and that her influence will encourage others to take the same brave steps.

My Walk To Freedom, 2013

Features, Food, Opinion

As 2013 draws to a close, it wouldn’t be right not to finish the year with the obligatory reflective blog post.

For me, this year has been a significant one. I graduated from university, began a new relationship and began recovery from an eating disorder. As much as this year has perhaps been one of the most important and successful years of my life, it certainly hasn’t felt like that a lot of the time.

As proud of myself as I am that I finally sought help for my eating disorder, recovery isn’t easy and it certainly isn’t quick. Recovery is a lonely, confusing and scary place to be. Without the comfort blanket of the eating disorder for reliance, but still without a healthy attitude towards food, it is easy to relapse and even easier to beat yourself up when you do. That was my reasoning for setting up this blog. I wanted to reach out to others in recovery and talk about eating disorders.

This blog is perhaps my greatest achievement of the year. Speaking openly and publicly about eating disorders, is something, which 12 months ago was completely unfathomable to me, yet somehow, at the end of 2013 here I am, writing this post. It may not reach many readers and it may not be a national phenomenon, but to me this blog in a success in its own right. I still have that overwhelming sense of sickness and fear every time I hover doubtfully over the ‘post’ button, and I still worry constantly about how others will react to what I’ve written, and if I’m being really honest, what they will think of me and how they will judge me. Simply the fact that I am writing this blog means that I have spoken out and tried to make a difference, even if I haven’t managed to reach out to anyone else – which I sincerely hope that I have – I have definitely reached out to myself.

I will leave 2013, still worrying about how many calories I ate yesterday, but feeling proud and lucky. Proud, because I have achieved something I never thought possible, and lucky because I have began to overcome something which too many people do not. I will also leave thinking of those who haven’t been as lucky as I have and those who are still suffering and I urge them to have the courage to seek help.

2013 was the year I realised that I hadn’t failed at anorexia and bulimia, I had beaten them.

 

SARAH

Fit Not Thin

Fitness

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This summer, The Sunday Times gave a hashtag to what many women out there already knew. Being thin is no longer sexy, being fit is. The campaign ‘#fitnotthin’ for which Daisy Lowe is an ambassador, encouraged women to tweet photographs of themselves in their workout clothes, in order to show their support. Although I, personally, can’t see how sending in Instagram photos of your Nike’s is helpful in any way, to a fitness regime, it is great to see that the message is finally being acknowledged. Society is finally beginning to glamourise something other than starvation and size zero, the women we aspire to be a strong, healthy and confident. What is even better is that we aren’t suddenly grabbing our running shoes because Vogue told us to, we’re doing it because it makes us feel good.

Although plenty of people will believe that this is just another body image pandemic, and  ‘#fitnotthin’ has even been labelled ‘as bad as thinspiration’ but as far as I’m concerned, there is one major difference. Food restriction isn’t healthy, exercise is.

Exercise doesn’t just improve physical health, it is also a key factor for having a healthy mind. Running, in particular has been proven to help combat symptoms of depression, releasing endorphins and making you feel happier in other aspects of life. Running can be a focus, a release and a personal challenge and once you overcome the initial hurdles it is – actually – really good fun.

As well as all of the obvious positives, exercise helps to curb a healthier attitude towards food, and some women who have recovered from eating disorders even find that running is a good way to become fit again, and means they can eat a healthy balanced diet, without feeling guilty.

While the physical changes will be come, the most important change will be to your confidence. Feeling fit feels a lot better than feeling thin, so what are you waiting for? Get running!

Taste the Difference

Food

As a bowl of transparent liquid was placed in front of me, a curious island floating in the middle of it, which I would later discover to be a crouton, I felt my stomach drop. It was my third night in the town of Bad Hofgastein in Austria, where I was staying with my parents. A family holiday was not exactly what I had in mind when I had envisaged myself at the age of 22, but this is where I was.

Not much of this holiday was to my taste (excuse the pun), in particular, the set dinner menu at the hotel. One reason being that I personally prefer to dine in a variety of places, when experiencing another culture but mostly, because the idea of the food I must eat being chosen for me fills me with dread. Combine this with a country in which the staple foods are meat and dumplings and you have yourself a recipe for disaster, in my eyes.

Eating in a foreign country, where not much English is spoken can be a struggle for even the healthiest, most open-minded, tourist but battling this and the voices of an eating disorder is almost too overwhelming. However, instead of retreating into my Ana-riddled comfort zone, I vowed to see this experience as a challenge and an opportunity rather than the nightmare it promised to be. When recovering from an eating disorder, trying new foods that you would never dreamed of eating before, can be a daunting step, but it is a step which has extremely positive outcomes. Once you combat the unhelpful thoughts and initial fear, you are left with an incredible range of tastes and experiences that were cut off from you previously, but everyone else has been enjoying. You are left with choice.

That is not to say that you will enjoy every new thing that you try, I tried many meals that week which I am glad I won’t have to eat again, dumplings and pumpkin seed dessert being examples, but the importance is just that, I tried. Choosing the vegetarian option most nights – to play it a little bit safer – I ate foods, such as cottage cheese parcels, French onion soup, gnocci with spinach and I even dabbled with dessert, a complete stranger to me. I ate and surprisingly enjoyed the cherry strudel with custard and some form of sponge with apricot filling – to this day I could not tell you what it is.

Eating food which you are not familiar with, and in some cases not even sure what it is, can be one of the hardest parts of recovery, but the fear of the unknown is definitely worth overcoming.

Apologies for my photography skills on this one!

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Potato with cheese and spinach filling

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Gnocci with spinach

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French onion soup with cheese crouton

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Pumpkin seed mousse and raspberry coulis